Life is full of twists and turns, but as Ivana Mihajlovic proves, meso warriors can withstand the most difficult obstacles. Ivana credits her family and up-bringing with her fortitude which has helped her handle life’s challenges. She grew up in Serbia (former Yugoslavia) and in the mid-2000s made the journey to America.
Just as she settled into her new life in the United States she received troubling news that changed the direction of her life forever. In November 2009, she was diagnosed with peritoneal mesothelioma. Even though she was terrified going into the unknown, she never felt cancer would be stronger than her. So, she fought every day to live a life that isn’t completely hampered by cancer.
“I didn’t have a lot of time to think about anything because things were happening really fast,” Ivana said.
New Normal
Since diagnosis, Ivana has adjusted to a “new normal”, which puts mesothelioma at the front of her mind. She stays active and likes to keep busy as not to always think about life’s worries or mesothelioma. Having cancer has brought new situations to her life, which have forced Ivana to gain new perspectives. One of the biggest moments of her meso journey has been undergoing two HIPEC surgeries in 2010 and 2018.
“I had just turned 30 when I was diagnosed so things in my life that should’ve happened, like getting married and having kids, went away and I had to accept a new normal,” Ivana said.
During her second HIPEC surgery, along with the removal of several affected organs, Ivana also had a full hysterectomy, ending her dream of ever having biological children. She also wonders when marriage may happen for her, “Usually, guys are scared when you date and you tell them you have cancer,” Ivana said.
As she thinks about her situation, she can’t help but see the paradox in knowing she’s independent enough to fight alone but looks forward to a husband and child to be her support system.
“It will be great to have someone to grow old with but if it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen,” Ivana said.
To this day, not being able to have biological children is an issue that Ivana is still learning to deal with. There are options she is considering, like adoption, but not being able to carry a baby brings her sadness that still lingers.
The Toll of HIPEC surgery
The HIPEC surgeries took their toll on Ivana emotionally and physically. She worked several part-time jobs at once and couldn’t afford time away from any job for recovery. She went right back to work eight weeks after her first surgery and six weeks after her second surgery because she didn’t have paid time off.
In times when she’s exhausted or down she relies on the support of her family and friends, some of whom are themselves members of the meso community.
Being part of a community that experiences so much sadness and death has not made her fear the unknown like she did when she was diagnosed, it has made her lighter and freer.
“I trained myself not to think of my own mortality too seriously. I think cancer just made me stronger,” Ivana said.
For Ivana, life has had many ups and downs, but she’s taken each bump and bruise as a lesson learned. By surviving mesothelioma, Ivana is often faced with questions like “why me?”
“Survivor’s guilt is very strong. When you meet and lose dear people along the way, you feel bad for being healthy when someone passes away. Then you feel bad sharing good news with someone who just lost a spouse, parent or even a child,” Ivana said.
Ivana’s advice to anyone who is struggling to fight back the anxiety of an unknown future, or a troubling diagnosis is to surround yourself with positivity and enjoy life because none of us know what tomorrow holds.
