As Father’s Day approaches, many in the meso community will be honoring, and in some cases remembering, the fathers in their lives. In this spirit, we bring you two stories about fatherhood and mesothelioma. One a mesothelioma patient, the other a mesothelioma doctor.
Patrick Maholland
These days, Patrick Maholland is doing something you might not expect from a mesothelioma patient. He has been busy assembling a crib and a bookshelf as he counts down the days until his son, Julian, is born. Patrick and Ashli, his wife, cannot contain their excitement as they think about what life will be like when their baby boy arrives. Reality is still setting in for Patrick, that, in just a few months, he will become a father.
“I guess the first time it really hit me was when I heard his little heartbeat. I don’t think I have been able to wipe this smile off my face since,” Patrick said.
Father’s Day will be a day to celebrate for Patrick and Ashli. It’s a symbol of their love and their future. But, their past has been a roller coaster of emotions starting with Patrick’s pleural mesothelioma diagnosis.
Ashli, his wife
In February 2019, Patrick was experiencing recurring issues – a nasty cough and a drip down his throat. The 39-year-old English teacher’s primary care physician recommended him to a local Charlotte, NC pulmonologist for an asthma test.
An x-ray showed a cloudy right lung. Numerous tests, scans and a biopsy later, an oncologist confirmed Patrick’s diagnosis: what he had been dealing with was pleural mesothelioma.
“Within 48 hours, I had my wife’s family and my family in our apartment,” he said.
Patrick’s life was on the verge of huge changes with his wedding and a big move on the horizon. The diagnosis added a whole other level of stress to it. In a few short days, he packed his belongings and made the eight and a half hour move from North Carolina to Philadelphia. In March, he started 14 rounds of chemotherapy, which took him right up to his wedding day.
“It was a lot thrown at me at once. It was like swimming in an abyss for like two weeks,” Patrick said.
The dark days of his diagnosis followed by grueling treatment are now beginning to look brighter with fatherhood just around the corner and an easier treatment regimen that now only includes bevacizumab every three weeks at UPenn. Worry still sets in at times, but navigating it all is bearable knowing there can be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Ashli keeps Patrick accountable as she reminds him to take life one day at a time.
“She is a constant source of love, compassion and strength,” Patrick said.
Despite having mesothelioma, Patrick thinks he’s mostly feeling the same as any parent, except for the fact that he and his wife have to think about the “what ifs” sooner than others.
“I can’t wait to spend every single moment with Julian. Of course, I have anxiety about not being here forever, but if the last few years have taught me anything, it is that my wife and family are amazing. The love and strength they share has shown me that, no matter what, Julian is going to be in great hands,” Patrick said.
This Father’s Day, Patrick will be in his son’s nursery recording his favorite children’s books and literature for Julian, just in case he can’t be there to read them to him himself. But make no mistake, this time next year, Patrick wants nothing more but to be in that same nursery with his wife by his side holding their son.
“I get goosebumps just thinking about her rocking our little boy in her arms,” he said.
Dr. Daniel Sterman
Work life balance has not always been easy to achieve for Dr. Daniel Sterman.
After high school and college, he followed in his father’s footsteps and went to medical school. Having seen firsthand his father’s lifestyle as a surgeon, Dr. Sterman knew, stepping into his career, that it would involve sacrifice. Some days, connecting with his father meant having two dinners: one with his siblings in the evening and one later that night when his dad got home after a long day of work at the hospital. His mother had died from cancer at a relatively young age which was one of the primary reasons he has dedicated himself and his career to the diagnosis and treatment of cancers such as malignant mesothelioma.
Now, himself a physician (and Director of Pulmonary, Critical Care and Sleep Medicine at NYU Langone Medical Center in New York City) with decades of work experience under his belt and a father of three children in their 20s, he can look back at the balancing act that career-building while being a father entailed. When his children were young, Dr. Sterman tried making every baseball game, squash match, and ice-skating practice, even if he had to bring a laptop along.
“I wanted to make sure my children knew I was there for them and that they were a priority,” Sterman said.
A mentor once told him, “you have to learn to say ‘no’ at work.” That did not come easily, but the reward was that for every time he said “no” at work, he gained personal time with his children. With his children now grown, the dynamic has shifted from day-to-day care to maintaining the relationship by staying connected and in one another’s lives.
Early in the pandemic Dr. Sterman, a pulmonologist at NYU Langone, was catapulted into the epicenter of the covid-19 pandemic. While caring for covid patients last spring, he also contracted the disease himself. He ended up being ok, but the uncertainty of covid-19 and the deaths he personally witnessed as a physician while unable to be with his family took a big toll.
“I didn’t know what direction my own health was going to take and then in New York we were overwhelmed with critically-ill patients with covid,” Sterman said.
Thankfully, he did not need to be admitted to the hospital, but he did have to quarantine away from his family for over a month. He was in New York while they were at the family home in Philadelphia, which was especially hard as his children were home from college doing virtual learning together with his wife who is a busy practicing ophthalmologist. The only time he got to spend with them, while he was sick, was over FaceTime or through text messages.
The pandemic has made the Sterman family re-adjust their priorities to add more time to the moments they spend together. Dr. Sterman wants his children to have three things in life: good health, happiness and independence. Through his life and career he has realized that a job is important, but even more so are family and your personal well-being.
“Wellness is not something that was mentioned in my first 25 years of being a doctor. You would just work 110 hours a week and not complain. But I would not want that for my children,” Sterman said.
None of Dr. Sterman’s children have chosen to pursue a career in medicine. He hopes whatever path they choose makes them happy, while they start their own families. He wants them to experience the joys of parenthood — the same way they continue to bring him joy in his life.
